a rainbow obsession

She sat quietly by the window, mindlessly drawing circles as she hummed her favorite lullaby. She knew she should be sleeping. 3-year-olds must get their afternoon naps or they will never grow taller like mama and papa, at least that was what her nightly bedtime stories tell her. But how will she ever see it if she went to sleep now. She needs to see it.

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After a few more circles and yawns, she finally saw it. A RAINBOW, her RAINBOW. What beautiful colors they were and she could see them all together. She ran outside, through there small fenced door, across the damp lawn and into the small dirt road. She closed her eyes, put her palms together and prayed.

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NOSTALGIA.

18 years ago, I believed in the power of rainbows, unicorns and fairies but growing up I decided I’d rather be pragmatic and reasonable. Make believe powers and chants have no room in my all grown up world. I simply must forget them. I did, I was good at that. In the past months, I’ve had a lot of time to think. Think of all those memories I once repressed, those choices I logically made. Then, I thought of rainbows. How once I kept a box full of drawings of them and how I enjoyed all the stories my mom tells me about them when she comes to visit. She says that rain is the sky crying out its frustration and pain and the rainbow is the happy ending, the symbol of triumph after the struggle.

Why did I have to forget all that? Because I now have more founded knowledge that rainbow comes from sunlight bending through water droplets. (I’m a geek, I know. Oh my little sister is gonna laugh at this!) But now that I think more about it, it made sense.  When you’re in a rut or in a really bad place, hope is what get’s you through it. The promise of a rainbow at the end of your worst thunderstorm is just the push you need to change things and get moving.  I’ve had the worst year of my life after probably 3 of the best years of my life. I beat myself up for it a lot. I’m programmed that way (so don’t fret all those who were victims of my annoying perfectionist character, I am hardest on myself).

My hellish 2012 is over and I am now turning the pages of my colorful 2013. I know it will not be easy, as a storm is always rough, making concrete decisions in steering my career, lifestyle and choices in the direction that I know is best for me.  But the promise of a rainbow, of happiness excites me to go through all of it. This time I’ll paint my own rainbows and not just wait for the rain to end. 

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So journey with me, go through my posts, listen to my rants and share my small victories as I claim stamps for my passport to rainbows.

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2 thoughts on “a rainbow obsession

  1. brenttzu says:

    i once made a poct about this. hahanapin ko sa mga luma kong blogs! hahahah 😀 // that might be the reason why we got instantly connected back then, rainbows!

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