growing old means growing up

Maturity is tricky.

Often I am forced to deal with matters which the juvenile me would rather suppress or run from.Demons that I fear would overpower me once confronted. I convinced myself that if I pretended long enough that they don’t exist or that they’re somehow already fixed, it would just magically be okay.

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 I knew that if I continue with this kind of coping mechanism I’m never gonna grow up. Soon enough my body will be too old and my mind still the same eccentric stubborn 15 year old. I’m never gonna understand why I was wrong or why their wrongs are a worth a second look. I will foster hate in my heart without the promise of any resolution. My fears will get the better of me; they’ll haunt me. The more I deny my problems, my issues and my fears, the more powerful they become.

I refuse to be trapped in Neverland where all hard decision and grueling problems are avoided or bottled up and thrown to the sea. I’m better than that. I know I am. Growing up is understanding that I have problems and although they’re scary and exhausting, facing it is still the best way to move forward.

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