growing old means growing up

Maturity is tricky.

Often I am forced to deal with matters which the juvenile me would rather suppress or run from.Demons that I fear would overpower me once confronted. I convinced myself that if I pretended long enough that they don’t exist or that they’re somehow already fixed, it would just magically be okay.

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 I knew that if I continue with this kind of coping mechanism I’m never gonna grow up. Soon enough my body will be too old and my mind still the same eccentric stubborn 15 year old. I’m never gonna understand why I was wrong or why their wrongs are a worth a second look. I will foster hate in my heart without the promise of any resolution. My fears will get the better of me; they’ll haunt me. The more I deny my problems, my issues and my fears, the more powerful they become.

I refuse to be trapped in Neverland where all hard decision and grueling problems are avoided or bottled up and thrown to the sea. I’m better than that. I know I am. Growing up is understanding that I have problems and although they’re scary and exhausting, facing it is still the best way to move forward.

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wisdom of the old?

I always make the strangest realizations when walking around like what happened a few days ago. I was walking home from a restaurant my family and I frequent when I noticed a crowd of people gathered around the plaza. To respond to my growing curiosity, I decided to inch myself into the restless, weirdly loud crowd. In the middle are 3 60-something men who were aggressively talking about social issues like the culture of Philippine elections, prices and governance. It was amusing at first because discourse, in my opinion, is a prerequisite to any functional social institution but I was a little irritated when the blame game started.

Random Lolo 1: Ang mga kaakian talaga ngunyan. (continues to rant)

Random Lolo 2: Mayo na kayang pagtubod sa Diyos. Hilinga na ta gabos na sanang kararatan ginigibo.

Roughly translating to:

Random Lolo 1: Kids these days (continues to rant)

Random Lolo 2: Their lack of faith and fear in the Lord causes this. Look at them and all the faults they’ve committed.

Ironic right?

This people who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it

2 weeks, 2 years

*Hi! So I was cleaning up my Facebook account when I read some of my old notes from way back when I could still squeal about romance and stuff, and thought it would be fun to post it here. It’s just to remind me that I once was or maybe still is (deep down- I mean really really deep, way down there) a hopeless romantic. 

** This entry was actually inspired by Dear John, Nicholas Sparks. If you’re into romantic, fateful and enduring tales of love, this is the perfect read for you. You can also watch the movie starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried.

 

2 weeks was all it took for me to fall in love with you.

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It’s a lie. I wasn’t sure it was at first but it definitely was a lie.

It has been at least two years since I first met you. We never got along like most people do when they first meet but strangely we grew close and understood each other. I spent 2 years to get to know you, to ignore you, to cope up with your mood swings, to suffer your harsh words, live with your persistence, listen to your music,  admire your principles

but yes,two weeks,

two weeks to finally admit I have already fallen for you.

when you’re not the exception

*Hi! So I was cleaning up my Facebook account when I read some of my old notes from way back when I could still squeal about romance and stuff, and thought it would be fun to post it here. It’s just to remind me that I once was or maybe still is (deep down- I mean really really deep, way down there) a hopeless romantic. 

** You might wanna check Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s He’s Just Not That Into You. This old note of mine reminds me of that book.

Is it enough to save the friendship and give up any chance to pursue my own happiness?

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I walked alone that night thinking I had to think things through. From afar I could hear your faint calls to ask me to stop so you could keep up. I pretended not to notice, the same way I pretended not to notice the way I felt all these years. When you finally caught up with me, I felt my heart change its usual rhythm, the way it always does when you’re around.

You didn’t have to say anything, I already knew.

You found your exception.

That exception that you always said would make you a better man, a happy man.

She’s your exception

and I’ll be the girl who is be happy for you from afar.

how we sisters cook: carbonara edition

I’ve always loved cooking, can’t say I’m good but I try.

BACK STORY: I come from a Filipino-Hispanic family whose recipes have been passed around extended families and through generations. It’s nothing complicated, just simple, hearty meals we gather around the table for. My papa’s famous for his beef steak and bihon (a noodle dish with lots of veggies and liver). I grew up around the kitchen, watching them cook. That’s how I started to love cooking.

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This afternoon, after Ate left early, I decided to teach my little sister, Kayle, to cook her favorite pasta, the carbonara. It was easy. We prepped all the ingredients first. Started boiling the pasta then sauteing the sauce. We opted to cook our shared favorite, mushroom sauce with chicken stalk. After 30 minutes, we were ready to serve (ourselves! ha-ha-ha)

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Left over pasta for mom and dad

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And here we are, finally enjoying the fruit of our hard work. YUM!

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after a retreat

An Open Letter to my Lord

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I have often questioned your ways, doubted your presence and challenged your intelligence in the last 21 years. There is no excuse or better reason than my impatience, fear and pride. I do not see the greater scheme of things the way you do so I obsess over my misgivings and failures. I cry over competitions I lost, jobs and opportunities I didn’t get and friends I miss. I see everything wrong that happens to me as you personal vendetta against me. I do not understand or sometimes refuse to comprehend you greater plans. Help me my Lord to trust your plans for me. Please give me the strength to pursue my purpose no matter how difficult they may be. Wipe away my insecurities and fears and replace it with love, acceptance and optimism.

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pigging out the Filipino way

When travelling to the Philippines, the first thing you have to check out is the food. As Anthony Bourdain puts it, Filipino food is distinct, tasty and filling. Although there are a lot of noted fine dine restaurants in the country which offer delicious food and scenic ambiance (I’ll blog about them later as I know a lot. Remember my food obsession?) I’d like to recommend the famous street food you can get for very low prices at the nearest parks in any metro. These tasty treats come with amazing life stories from Manong and Ate (the ones who sell and own the stand).

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“Isaw” is chicken intestine on a skewer.

LP- street food

On the right are chicken feet, “Adidas” in Filipino slang, cooked over charcoal for an authentic smoked taste.

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The most popular Filipino street food is “Balut“. It’s fermented duck (sometimes chicken)fetus unhatched and served still in the egg. Usually, it’s eaten with vinegar and salt (and eyes closed).

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Thanks to Elpee Abias for the pictures he let me use for my blog. You can check out his other photos at http://www.facebook.com/elpeeabias/photos_stream or http://elpeeabias.tumblr.com