she’s come undone

SHE’S COME UNDONE

by Wally Lamb

This coming of age story spans 3 decades and delves bluntly into the self-image, depression and complex family issues that destroy then mend a once 13- year old kid. It starts with Dolores’ less than ideal family set-up, a divorce that forced her parents apart and distanced her from a father she was very close with.

Her mom dragged her to live with her grandmother who is excessively conservative and difficult to please. She shuts the world out even more and begins her struggle with weight and confidence. She clings onto any semblance of hope and promise of love which she abandoned when she was raped by her mom’s lover.

For the next 20 years, she fought to change who she thought she was without ever accepting who she is, how strong she is. Dolores wound up a marrying a guy that was far from ideal, a guy who forced her to abort their own child, a guy who brought back all her suppressed insecurities and a guy who cheated on her repeatedly. She never complained because she never realized she deserved more. They finally decide to separate after all the infidelity and abuse.

Dolores moves back to her grandmothers house who has now passed on. There she decides to confront her demons and finally focus on loving herself. All those years of struggles and pain end in Dolores going back to school, meeting someone and finally finding the courage to love herself.

Dolores Price reminds me of the who I was, defensive and dubious of people’s intentions, incapable of allowing myself to want the greater things in life because I don’t think I deserve them . The story is narrated by Dolores making each word personal and revealing. It would seem like she’s  stripping herself in front of you through every chapter. The humanity of the work allowed me, and hopefully other readers, to journey with her and identify with those turning points in her life.

*I don’t usually write reviews of books but this one in particular I thought would be fun to share. If you like stories which relatable and very engaging, you’ll love this one a lot.

the OM-NOM-NOM monster

Another entry on food

This morning I woke up to the sweet smell of muffin on the table. It’s one of our staple pastries and we usually buy them from a small bake shop 3 blocks from our house. I know what you’re thinking, what’s wrong with that? Well, nothing but for people like me who are in love with food, that’s a really tempting wake up call.

I’ve already talked about how we should love ourselves enough to accept our beauty regardless of our size, color, race, height and weight. I will always believe and advocate for that but what I have not said on that post is how we keep ourselves healthy also because of that love.

You have to love yourself enough to be healthy, whatever size that might be in.

So how do we do that when all the temptations in the world present itself to us, calling our name and just really coaxing us to violate our healthy lifestyle. I say NO TO THE OM-NOM-NOM MOSTER, that uncontrollable, insatiable, weak being inside of us that falters to the scent of food and the promise of a feast.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t eat all those guilty pleasures you have. Trust me, I’m not at liberty to give that advice but promise to keep yourself in check because you may not like the consequences of those choices. Just enjoy the food without compromising you health. *wink*

my last day on earth

The humidity in this country is beyond bearable. I found myself waking up in the middle of night, running to bathroom and taking a quick shower just to get through the next few hours without having a heat stroke.

The only upside to that delirious experience is I get to watch the movie 2012 while waiting for my hair to dry then go back to sleep.

A few years back when the movie premiered the lines outside the movie houses were so long you’d think the mall was giving away free food. I watched it on the 3rd weekend it was showing because I never had the patience to line up for over an hour just to watch a movie that will depress me and send me into another nerdy quest to confirm the facts in it (which I do a lot by the way).

Taking into account the rants of the Peruvian Government, the veracity of scientific theories and the debates on its validity, I thought it was a good movie. It was a very human journey. It shows how we deal with an inevitable loss in personal and social way. What do I do when I know the world is going to end? How do I spend my last day?

*still musing over this question for days now…

**By the way, this post was sitting on my drafts pile for days now. I decided to resurrect it and post it today.

my superman dream

new

We all have that Superman dream, that consuming sometimes suffocating vision of ourselves.

You know in your gut that’s all you wanna be and all you wanna have but you feel that saying it, pursuing it and living it is way out of your means or far from the expectations already set in front of you.

It would be easier to remain Clark Kent, pragmatic, reliable and plain rather than be the risky, over the top super hero you’ve always wanted to be.

Your dream betrays your reality. 

I’ve been there. God help me, there are days when I think I still am. On those rare, depressing days, I imagine myself already living my dream. It’s not to escape reality but just to remind myself that maybe in an alternate space or time or dimension, I’m already a humanitarian or a published author or a gallery owner or a world traveler or maybe all those. 

It reminds me that I can be whoever I want to be regardless of norms, expectations and standards. I can take a risk because it’s my life, my happiness to risk. I wish one day everyone will have the courage to do the same because we all deserve to realize our Superman dream.

ready or not

sleep

Perfect image of me except my hair looks so much worse than that. *not a joke*

When inspiration sets in and you are obviously far from a piece of pen and paper or your laptop is drained, it’s so frustrating. You can feel all the creative, or not so creative, juices flowing right out of you. All you could do is watch as it forms a small puddle on the floor underneath you feet. For those who have fallen victim to this kind of circumstance, my heart goes out to you for my disappointment and frustration late last night , or early this morning-the time escapes me, kept me up til I finally found my charger and a working pen.

Thank you universe for at least giving me that. *Insert applause here*

Needless to say, I typed away til late last night to finish some articles and a few chapters to a story I’m hoping to publish soon. After which I decided to tuck away my stuff neatly and fall into a dreamless slumber.

After approximately 5 hours of sleep

When I woke up this morning, all the creativity has  gone and I’ve been walking back and forth trying to snatch some inspiration from the boring walls of this room. Nothing! Not even some smart comment for a picture that needs a caption. This is even more frustrating that not being able to find a pen or charge my laptop. At least then, I knew I had an idea the only issue was how I could get it out. Now, I’m sitting here, staring at my screen and ranting.

Is this how it always is? When you’re not ready, it comes and hits you so intensely you just have to do something about it and when you are ready, it refuses to give you the pleasure of having it.

*Am I still talking about writing or am having one of those days again? One where I only thought one thing frustrates only to find out it’s something else that bothers me.