Hate and all its cruel manifestations are products of different circumstances in our lives. We cannot say that they are all the same or that they all come in the same degree or last for the same lengths of time but what we know is that when we feel it, it can be very destructive.
A year ago I was told of a secret that shattered my belief in relationships and my recently restored trust in people. I know that sounds melodramatic and depressing but if I did not feel those at that time I’d be worried where my emotions went or if I even have them.
Bear with me as I cannot discuss further the specifics of that event, both for your benefit and mine. I have accepted it but I’m not proud of it. The bottom line is this, she lied. She betrayed me for the longest time and all she could muster after that is a sorry-not even a heartfelt one. I played the rational card and stayed strong. Trust me, there was no bitch fight- not even yelling.
I HATED HER, in my heart I knew that but I never really admitted it until recently because I wanted to save the relationship. I thought by not confronting my feelings they will fade away. Soon I’ll forget I even felt them. But the more I denied them, the stronger they grew. It’s like trying to stop flood. No matter how many bolts the doors have, water will still seep through.
THE BEST WAY TO COPE IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL IT.
Do not punish yourself for feeling that way. Chances are you have every right to feel the way you feel but even if you don’t, castigating yourself because of how you feel towards someone will only encourage you to resent the person more.
When you feel that overpowering, enveloping need to hold on to the awful things a person did, recognize it. Understand it. In time you’ll learn to overcome it. Remind yourself that even the flood recedes after the rain