when we’ve gone

beep

beep

beep

flat line

Gone. Passed. Left. In a better place. Floating. Waiting. Reborn.

What happens to us when we’ve passed? What is there after we’ve breathed our last and closed our eyes one final time?

Do we just disappear, into nothingness like we never existed, like we have never been? Quite frankly that’s depressing and comforting all at the same time. Depressing as the 70, if we’re lucky, years that we have is all that we have. There is nothing more. But it’s also comforting. No more worrying about what comes next, what is after death. That’s just it, it’s over.

Do we just leave? Do we pass on to a better a place where angels, if you went to Sunday school, play harps just over the pearly white gates? Is there a state of paradise that we can look forward to after the inescapable labyrinth of suffering here on Earth? Many of us who were raised believers of a certain faith hold the promise of paradise very close to our hearts. I remember reading Dante Alighieri’s Paradiso and just thinking why people hate dying so much. Eternal life in paradise seems so much more promising that the repetitive boredom they paint human life to be.

Are we in between? Perhaps we are not nothing but not someone either. We’re just floating and waiting. For what? I am not sure. I just heard once that death is an eternal suspension where nothing is real but everything seems like it’s happening. Confusing, undefined but existing.

Do we get to live again, reborn, alive but different? Like Buddha’s promise of living life over and over again until we reach nirvana. We get to live the life that we deserve after we’ve lived the life before that. As enticing as this may seem, do we not get tired of living life til eternity ends? If it ends at all. This is why I think immortality is pointless. Fear and urgency brought about by the knowledge that life may end and nothing may come after that, allows us to pursue the spontaneous, the free and the risky. It persuades us to live, and I mean truly live because we may not get the chance again.

Whatever death may be, I hope that when it comes knocking on my door, I would have lived a full and happy life. I will work everyday starting now to make that happen. Maybe you should too.

***

TO MY READERS

You may be wondering why the sudden post on death. I’ve sat in a hospital room this past week watching my grand father regress before me. 3 times. 3 times this week he flat lined right in front of me and I kept thinking, ‘What would become of him after this? ‘ Where would he go?  Thus this post.

As you are reading this, he may have gone already. I may be in one corner suppressing my tears. Please, if you pray, pray for him, his soul. It would mean so much to me.

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6 thoughts on “when we’ve gone

    • passporttorainbows says:

      Thanks Kuya Boom. I just hope he won’t hurt anymore. When he decides to let go, I wish him a safe trip back home.

  1. John Paul Kyrex C. Bueza says:

    Last September 25, 2012, I was diagnosed with leptospirosis…prior to my confinement in Mother Seton Hospital, I was already suffering for 5 days with an unexplainable excruciating pain…I stayed there for many days…During the first day, I was hopeless that I would still survive, I was barely breathing…until the third day, my doctor declared that I would certainly die if without the proper medication…on the fourth day…the trial about my life…i have already given up…but the people around me would not let me go…so, i fight and won over death…but ironically, now, there is something that I misses about that experience…the excruciating pain seems delightful to remember…the atmosphere of void and hopelessness seems the most solemn experience of my life…then I reflected more…Death is a wonderful experience…it’s not the pain that makes it awful…it’s rather the fear…but when you’re about to face God, there would be no space for fear in your heart because He is Someone that assures our worries about afterlife…I am not saying that we should all be happy when someone passes away…what I want to express is that…death isn’t really a horrible thing..it is rather the opposite…an eternal sway of peace and happiness…I am sure that your love one who had passed away also experiences the same experience when I had faced death…it’s a beautiful thing…

    Nevertheless, prayers is my gift to your love one as he bids farewell to you…Farewell-means see you around! 🙂

    • passporttorainbows says:

      I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been very ill. I wish I’d known so I could have at least offered some prayers or support. Nevertheless, I’m extremely happy you got through it and that your experience wasn’t as unpleasant as most people would have perceived a near death experience to be.

      I am extremely inquisitive and questions I have of my faith have not yet come full circle so I’m not sure if I believe in Heaven or paradise. For the sake of my grandfather, I want to. I wanna believe he’s in some place better, somewhere all the pain I saw him go through doesn’t exist anymore.

      Thank you for the prayers. Although I may not be a firm believer, the sympathy and support from others gave me the strength and I’m sure that gave Papa peace too.

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