That afternoon where you sit alone on a bench at that station, already waiting for almost an hour. Still hoping he’ll show, that he’ll come running, breathless, explaining why he wasn’t there on time. Then you finally realize, there’s no point he’s not gonna show.
I learned two things from being that girl, from being that hopeful and excited then extremely distraught bystander. First, anticipating something is one of the most powerful feelings in the world. You feel excited and nauseous, happy and nervous all at the same time. A part of you wants to run away while the other pulls you down to stay.
Second, when all the waiting and anticipating ends up disappointing you, it’s one of the worst feelings you’re ever gonna feel. At first, you’d be confused and would ask why and how anyone could be capable of hurting you so much then you’d be angry and decide never to trust anyone to fulfill their promises or care about you as much as you care about them.
This is probably how we grow our callouses and learn to build walls around us. This is where I learned to keep trusting and keep hoping, maybe not in the same people but keep that will to wait for something or someone with excitement and hope. Have faith, not everyone will decide not to show up. One might even walk by 5 minutes early, bouquet of flowers *or if I’m really lucky, a dozen books* in hand and with a big smile on his face.