the subtle art of listening

What does it really mean to listen? Like most of you I am guilty- guilty of not paying attention every once in awhile (maybe more, I couldn’t really say. I wasn’t exactly paying attention remember?).

If on that day I have much on my mind then it most likely drifts aimlessly to those seemingly important things. Sometimes I have too much to say that I forget you too may need to be heard or I might think that you’ve said your piece just so many damn times, I’d rather not be reminded of it for the nth time. It’s selfish, I know. In all those instances ‘I’ is probably the most overused pronoun.

photo from didiondoll.tumblr.com

You’re not the only person in the conversation and if what you wanna say is interesting or if you believe your opinion to be important then you should give the other person the benefit of being heard and actually considered. He too might say something as interesting if not more. Yapping on and on about your worries, thoughts or achievements without giving so much as a thought or acknowledgement that the other exists is not just rude, it’s actually pretty offensive.

If you’re Ms. Busy and have too much on your plate to be in a conversation then politely tell  whoever is talking to you exactly that. They deserve to know that you’re not in the mood to listen before they start pouring their heart out to you. However if the problem is that you too have something bothering you or are just really excited to relay something that means a lot to you then have the decency to let the other finish. Don’t brush off whatever he just said because you’re in a hurry to get to your topic next. That kind of attitude will guarantee you resentment. If you’re too damn mighty and shucking insensitive then why should anybody listen to what you have to say in the first place. KARMA’S A BITCH and it will not discriminate. Sooner or later, whoever you are, the disrespect (or in some cases, the disregard) for other’s feelings will garner you the same treatment and to be quite honest, you absolutely deserve it.

The last possible reason for brushing someone off and not listening to things they’re saying is that they’ve said it too many times before, you can basically say it back to them. Trust me when I say, I know how that feels. My mind starts drifting the moment that happens and I have to consciously pull myself back to reality and remind myself to pay the least bit attention. If that happens, you have to ask yourself why these words are repated to you ever so often. Do you ever take them seriously? Because the repeatition might be due to your inability to heed them. If on the ther hand, that’s not the case or you don’t agree with that advice then say something because chances are, if you’re tired hearing it, they are also exhausted saying it. No one wants to sound like a broken record- at least, no NORMAL PERSON I know.

Of all my peeves, having someone not pay attention or talk over you is probably one of the worse. TO me it’s not just plain insensitivity, it says a lot about what I mean to you and how our relationship is- what it’s founded on. If you have the audacity to do that and not even flinch then that means I may not matter to you as much as I hoped and our relationship, whatever it is, is as unimportant to you as what I have to say.

I know I might not be the best person to be blogging about this since there are times when I violate the same advices I gave but trust me, on the occasions that I stick to them, everything works out fine. For the other times that I don’t, I’m so sorry- temporary lapse in character. I’m working hard to rid myself of that nasty habit. I hope you will too. 🙂

 

***

And I really just need to add this. If you are with someone, especially if you’re in the middle of a conversation, KEEP YOUR BLOODY PHONE IN YOUR POCKET AND STOP STARING AT IT EVERY 5 SECONDS. You’re busy I get it but it does make me feel like you’d rather not be here. If that’s the case though, then tell me. I at the very least deserve to know that right?

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