#depression

I realised.. IM HERE FOR YOU ♡♥♡

One morning I woke up with an unfamiliar material draped securely on my back. It was heavy and cold and it very much resembled a cloak- like in one of those old Hollywood movies. The fabric clung to me like second skin, choking, smothering and weighing me down while it slyly remains invisible to the eyes of even those staring right at me. No matter how hard I fidget, move my body like a convulsing freak, grab at it, try to tear it away from my body with all the strength my man hands could muster, it remains rigid and unrelenting. There are days when I feel the grip tightening, leaving steady marks on my skin that will remind me of how it possessed me for as long as I live.

It’s daunting to admit how much it’s affecting a full grown person with rationality and control. The fear of judgment and ridicule in society where the easiest response would be to ask if the cloak truly exists or if I made it up because I’m either crazy or in CRAZY need of attention. Either way I will be labelled a freak and avoided like a plague or talked to behind my back. To the few who care enough to consider that there MAY be a cloak, they’ll look you from head to toe and when they see no physical manifestations of a life threatening cloak. They walk away claiming that you’re lucky it won’t require surgery. At that moment, I wish it did. Maybe I’ll get more help if people can physically see the pain an invisible cloak is causing me.

You might know the cloak by its common name, depression.

its not fair how i see everyone breathing.

Yes my lovely readers, how timely right? Just as the world is  confused, bewildered and pained by Robin Williams’ death, one caused by this cloak itself, I decide to write about it. Well to be honest this entry was inspired by him. I have been struggling to write anything on this subject for years, ever since I started this blog actually, but I never had the courage, words or inspiration to even start. That changed when I was aimlessly browsing through my twitter feeds and froze on one of the trends. I think we all know which trend it was.

#RIPRobinWilliams

A thousand RTs, skimmed articles and a full blown movie marathon later, I decided I need to write something about this. Screw inhibitions and fear, depression is a real thing and it has to be talked about because more and more people are falling victim to it and very few seem to take it seriously. The most infuriating yet common reaction we get is it’ll pass or get over it. Those are the words of an ignorant person brushing off something purely because he has no clue what it is. The same words that will make the lot of us, already depressed, consider ourselves even bigger freaks than we already think.

I doesnt.

Depression, unlike physical illnesses with very visible manifestations, is often treated as a whim of some attention seeking person who is bored of his own life that’s why he needs to make up some disease that cannot be visually assessed. The truth however is depression gnaws at you from the inside, turning every thought, every memory, every experience into a black hole that sucks the life out of you while you seem completely a-okay on the outside. You feel disabled without the advantage of a parking space. In  two  very cliché words : it sucks.

so fucking true

There is no standard to depression. It varies for each one and I could spend the whole day discussing to you the many kinds but really what those going through this need from you is just one thing, your understanding.

UNDERSTANDING

It may sound so easy, so fundamental in fact but to truly understand someone who goes through that requires for you to suspend your prejudices and preconceived notion fed by some exaggerated movie or oblivious hearsay. We don’t all cut or binge or drink meds or listen to sad songs or plaster a frown on our faces. Often even a smile is the most believable lie one gets to tell. Funny though, almost everyone falls for it. Depression too is not to be stereotyped.

For those still trapped in their cloaks, hang in there and stay strong. Fight to be happy because you’re worth no less. Find comfort in the promise that you’re not alone and somebody on the other end of this screen understands and appreciates you.  I do care and I’ll keep fighting, I’d love for you join me. –winks-

perhaps?

song pick of the week: Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

Okay before people start stoning me to death demanding I retract this let me first say that this in an achievement since this is the first song pick I made that isn’t by Ed or another band because I was honestly contemplating picking Tenerife Sea- a great song btw but I thought a change in genre will be fun. Let me clarify as well, I actually LOVE Taylor’s songs. It may not be as obvious because I clearly have a more alternative/ rock/ indie taste in music but honestly this girl can write one hell of song- she’s got 5 albums to prove it.

Most people think that she only writes bitter tribute songs that curse her exes to the depths of Tartarus, mostly because of the over-romanticized narratives she gets from the media but really she has other songs which are on a whole different plane- songs like The Lucky One, Brought Up That Way and Mean. Plus you gotta admit, her break up songs can be good metaphors for coping in life if you let it.

A few hours ago she just released a music video for her upcoming album, to be released this October 27, called 1989 after her birth year.

Taylor announced that her new album is called 1989 — after her birth year — and will be out Oct. 27.

photo from Big Machine

 

I’m gonna let the song speak for its self because I do think the message is loud and clear so without much ranting here’s Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.

 

Shake It Off

by Taylor Swift

I stay up too late
Got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say
That’s what people say
I go on too many dates
But I can’t make them stay
At least that’s what people say
That’s what people say
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heart break is gonna break, break, break
And I think it’s gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off

I never miss a beat
I’m lighting up my feet
And that’s what they don’t see
That’s what they don’t see
I’m dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that’s what they don’t know
That’s what they don’t know
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heart break is gonna break, break, break
And I think it’s gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off

Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you been getting down and out about the liars
And the dirty dirty cheats of the world
You could have been getting down to this sick beat

Let’s end this entry with her words  during the live stream on Yahoo this morning. 

“Life itself and who people actually are can be greatly reflected in how they dance,” Taylor told the audience.

“I’m not talking about how good you are, I mean your willingness to dance.”

Taylor Swift Reveals Her New Song, Music Video, AND New Album Title

gif from ABC/Yahoo

#LouisvillePurge

I just wrote a thousand word entry about this 5 minutes ago but for some reason it got deleted so I had to redo the whole thing. I don’t remember much of it since most of you already know, I’m an emotional writer and I put everything I’m thinking to an entry.

Here goes.

About a week ago I got engaged in a conversation with a few of my online friends regarding this threat about a ‘Purge’. For those of you who are yet to see this dystopian thriller. It chronicles a 12 hour per year tradition of no laws, authorities and my opinion, morals where you’re allowed to do whatever the hell you want with no fear of prosecution or punishment. This goes to say that no one is safe.

The Louisville frenzy starts with a flyer.

This flyer got games cancelled, forced people to stay inside and encouraged the height of police vigilance.

When I woke up this morning, my twitter feeds were fire with the #LouisvillePurge trend. Basically there were two factions, one freaking out for their lives and those they care about while the other half condemn the hoax that is this issue. My first instinct is to gag at the stupidity of it. Who in the sane mind would want to reenact such a violent, pointless and avoidable act? I’m almost convinced that insanity is contagious and we’re contracting it. To be honest, I have no idea what to think.

On the hoax side

Well the pictures people tweet are from the movie and anyone who’s seen it can attest to that. Makes you wonder where the real pictures are if there’s any. They also question the validity of the police scanner everyone’s been tuning on to since the beginning of the ‘purge’. They say it’s pre recorded or it’s sketchy that there even is one.

At one point I even told my sister this might be some marketing campaign to promote the Purge movie franchise like Carrie. If I’m right, they’re sick and you should all just boycott the movie because that’s not a reasonable stretch of marketing tools use. If I’m not, we should be more discerning of how we interpret movies because reality imitating art doesn’t go for everything we get to watch. 

People also pointed out that the city should be on proper lockdown or else it would have spread to surrounding cities. The fact that it hasn’t is odd. Well honestly how do we know that it has or hasn’t? No major news center like CNN or BBC or Fox News has reported ANYTHING on the matter- which leads me to last reason why people think this is nothing a but a sick joke some guy behind the screen started. Where is the coverage on this really?

On the’IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING’ side

Mind you the Louisville Police Department does link a police scanner on their site and half the people I talked to online confirmed it’s credibility.

http://www.broadcastify.com/listen/feed/13853/web

There’s also a few local radio broadcasts discussed by people living in the surrounding areas. Then there’s people living in the area talking about staying indoors and being really terrified. It’s on twitter under this trend. You can go check it out for yourselves.

And frankly, the fact that major news facets have not said anything about this is a double edge sword. The topic has plagued half the netizen world for hours and you don’t see them shutting this down while they blow up stories about celebrities getting back together. It leads me to infer this might be similar to the Guatanamo, Wikileaks cover story where everything is up in the air until they can come up with the perfect media diversion- but that may just be my conspiratorial, non trusting brain working.

Whatever it is, I’ll leave you to make conclusions on your own. I will however link sites to help you out.

tweet

Let me just end with this. Hoax or not, we should not make jokes about this. There are people who actually suffer from purge-like scenarios. Stop insulting them with humor and your attempts at a pun. IT’S NOT FUNNY.

so stereotypical

A throwback from years past because I feel the need to remind everyone that they’re more than one thing, one label. EMBRACE YOURSELF FULLY FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE- QUIRKY, DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE.

UNANONYMOUS

Stereotypes.

hot cheerleading blonde

toned, jerk of a guy jock

stuttering dork

fiery, all hell will break lose redhead

self righteous honor student

save the world humanitarian

leather jacket wearing bad boy

Why have we allowed the world to brand us? Put us into cliques and categories, that yes, may in some ways be accurate but in more ways are not. Why can’t the school clown also be the hot jock or the crazy overachiever also the fun party girl? You’re more than one thing and allowing yourself to suppress the diverse parts of your personality is not fair to you or the world deprived of the things you could have done.

I hate that because I’m the someone who reads Plato and obsesses over current events, I’m instantly branded as a geek which I am by the way but that’s not all I am. Sadly, that’s all people…

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