I looked up silver linings this morning. I do that sometimes, type some mindless word on Google and click search. Sometimes it’s random but for the most part it’s my subconscious telling me I’m looking for something. About a month ago I googled “how to start a blog” and here I am blogging. Turns out I was looking for an outlet all this time I just wasn’t aware of it.
So I wondered why was I secretly obsessed with Silver Linings Playbook that I’d still be thinking about it on the wee hours of the morning.
Was it because I find Jennifer Lawrence interesting, Bradley Cooper hot or David Russel inspiring? Maybe it’s the thought of silver linings itself that made me so attached to it. I wasn’t so sure when I started this post so I had to sit it out and think about it.
The movie starts with Pat’s struggles of coping with his cheating wife and his bipolar disorder. He thought that changing would be his chance to reconcile with her so he lost all his excess weight and tried his best to improve his social skills. Like Pat, Tiffany also suffered a loss, only in her case it’s permanent. She lost her husband to a car accident and she has been depressed since. Out of job and relying only on dancing to keep her company, she invites Pat to her world and introduces him to self discovery and later on acceptance.
I have 3 takeaways from that movie.
1. “I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?” -Tiffany
Towards any change and growth I hope to have, acceptance is the first step. I have to love my own brand of crazy no matter how dysfunctional other people perceive me to be.
I start everyday with BBC and end it with Aljazeera. I do this pout thing with my mouth when I love my food. I cyberstalk people I admire. I hate phones so if I don’t call you back, don’t take it personally. I probably stashed my phone somewhere far from me. When I start reading, don’t expect me notice anything or anyone. I’m stubborn, loud, crazy and I enjoy being that way. Of all there is that may be wrong about me, I still love myself, who I am and who I will be.
2. “The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. Thank you. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.” -Pat
I’ll discover myself in the strangest places and with the strangest people and it’s seldom obvious to me until I’ve been changed and I find myself so much happier.
I remember meeting one my closest friends in college on a bad note. We were both sulking from not having gone to the universities we wanted and wound up attending the one our parents chose for us. I was hard on him and he was annoyed with me (much as he refused to admit it, I know he was or is). Getting to know him though, I realized he’s a great guy who is as crazy as I am (and at 5 AM, even crazier). Although I don’t see much of him anymore and we may not be friends in the future, he will remain to be the guy who has changed me the most. For that, I’m forever grateful.
3. “I hate my illness and I want to control it. This is what I believe to be true: You have to do everything you can and if you stay positive you have a shot at a silver lining.” -Pat
Today, as I am still very doubtful of my life choices, my mantra is to remember that there’s always a silver lining, promises life makes to make every day bearable, to encourage me to go through the motions until the difficult part is over, to remind me that as long as I work hard I’ll power through.
I have to constantly remind myself that if I want to be happy, if I want a shot at a silver lining, I have to forgive myself of my shortcomings and love myself in spite of them. I should trust people and believe the good they do for me. Most importantly, I have to work for what I want and have faith that it will be given to me.