how to get through a bad day

Ask why.

I’ve been told one too many times by one too many people that the best way to get through a bad say is to just ‘choose’ to be happy, and I do believe that happiness is a choice. The important consideration though is how.

How do you choose to be happy when your hormones have been betraying you for the past 24 hours or more? 

Over the years, I’ve learned simple remedies, like I’m content snuggling under the covers and letting the pages of Murakami lighten my mood or munching down a whole pizza – yes, by myself. They’re the fairy dust to my weary soul.

Pizza Bianca’s my current favorite, but a simple pepperoni or cheese pizza’s perfect too.

I know I mentioned Murakami (and I’ve read most his words… twice, fine A LOT of times), but this is the book series I’m finishing up right now; they’re by Tahereh Mafi. You may wanna give it a read.

Although if the bad days keep recurring, you may wanna consider a different approach. Those little pockets of happiness we reserve for ourselves when we’ve had a particularly long week at work or taxing, borderline inhuman final exams are insignificant bandaids that may feign as solutions to what truly makes a ‘day’ bad.

I won’t pretend to be an expert, but from experience, I realized that often that the heavy feeling we get for, most likely, juvenile to no reason at all may be unresolved issues triggered by the most minute of events. They will keep nagging at us, capitalizing on the simplest flaw, until we finally resolve them from the roots. All that, it starts with one question:

Why?

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it’s YOUR fault (the blame game)

It’s become so easy for people to transfer blame when needed. Granted pointing a finger is less effort than actually solving the problem or coming clean about issues but ask yourself, who is that really helping?

Not those who were wronged, I’m sure. They’re still there wallowing in their pain, hoping that someone at least says sorry. Not you, you’re in DENIAL. You’re gonna keep making the same mistakes unless YOU recognize they were your mistakes in the first place.

Take that girl you’re dating for example, you’ve been cheating on her for awhile and every time you get into a fight about it. You say she’s being too suspicious. That’s your fear of getting found out projecting onto her as a defense mechanism. (This is clearly a hypothetical guys. LOL. Calm down.)

Or

In my case, I’ve been procrastinating doing something really important, something I should have done for awhile now. Everytime it gets brought up I blame my health, my degree, circumstance. Name an excuse, I’ve probably already used it. Every single reason except the honest one, ME. I’m stuck. I think it’s easier to sit here and wait for things to happen than actually do something about it.

I’m having none of that anymore.

I’m just gonna pick up the phone today and start calling people I need to call to get my book out there. Yes guys, all this ranting is about a book- well, MY book. It’s a long shot but most dreams are.

I guess other than assigning blame on some external force, I let my fear of rejection cripple me. I’ve had my fair share of doors slammed in my face, professionally and not so professionally. *wink* I’ve learned to accept that, but writing, especially literature, is where I’m most vulnerable so I keep putting it off.

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Funny thing about rejection, it’s okay as long as you’re at a safe distance and you have a back-up plan. Remove those and you feel naked, stripped of a get away. That’s when fear sets in and you’re not sure what to do. If you’re ever in a position like this, FACE YOUR FEAR. Usually the thing we’re afraid of the most are the most gratifying to conquer.

Here’s a little nugget of wisdom from someone who has been in denial and afraid for awhile. Take responsibility for your actions, mistakes or otherwise. You’ll find your sleep more comfortable at night and your errors, whatever they were, tucked away in your experience chest. You never know, if you cheated or did something really bad to someone, you just might be forgiven. Sorry goes a long way. At least in my book, it does.

For the dreamers, don’t let fear take over your life. Don’t blame the lack of inspiration, opportunities or some other made-up story you know is just another thing to blame. Focus on the dream and JUST START.

You can be great if you choose to be.

unpopular opinion: monday misery

I  was in school once so I get the dread of going back to school after a few days of freedom. For some reason, my eyes feel droopier, my bed more inviting, my bag heavier than usual and the trip from home to school  a whole lot shorter. Ah what the mind does to us poor souls who only want another day to wake up at noon and spend what’s left of the day manically staring at our laptop screens watching some sappy movie or playing the new zombie apocalypse game.

As for the rest of us who work 8 hour jobs, we know what another day home would mean. It means sleep, that seemingly unproductive act but one we all crave. It means time to do our laundry, actually go to the gym we’ve been saying we’ll try for 2 months now, try a new restaurant or just stay home and enjoy a glass of wine

BUT MONDAY  HAPPENS. IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

So I’ve put together a short list of the things I do to make Mondays more bearable.

  • Sleep extra early the night before. I know you wanna spend your last few hours of freedom binge watching the latest episodes of Reign but trust me, the longer you sleep, the better your mood will be when you wake up.

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  • Find something to look forward to every Monday. It doesn’t have to be big, just something to motivate you for the rest of the day. It can be the subtle reminder that you’ll be in the same train as your hunky crush or a slice of your favorite cake over lunch.
  • Indulge for breakfast. I’m gonna assume you took my advice and slept early which means you’ll be up earlier too. Take time and have a proper breakfast, not of those protein bars you grab when you’re running late. Eat something good like bacon, you deserve it.
  • Wear your best… or most comfortable. Just something that will lift your spirits. If you don’t have to wear a uniform to school or work, have fun with your outfit.
  • Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. If you’re not a coffee freak like me then try tea. It’s soothing but it’s also a jolt of energy in cup.
  • Bob your head to Shake It Off or any other feel good song the lifts your mood up. Make a playlist! You can even check out my suggested playlist linked below.
  • Make a conscious effort to smile today. Nothing brightens a day more that a smile. Who knows? Monday may just be meet your match day. *wink*

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  • Watch a funny video. There are tons on Youtube. If you’re a dork like me, you’d have a few of Shane or Smosh’s parodies saved on your phone. They’ve helped me get through some really long days and some abrasive, irritating people. Now they can help you get through Mondays.
  • Keep your Monday light. Instead of cramming a thousand meetings or study groups on Monday, try unloading your schedule. Soon enough your gonna love this day because it has the least strain. Besides you’re dealing with enough moods today to be bothered by a crazy schedule too.

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  • THINK OF MONDAY AS A FRESH START. If there’s anything you wanna do but you’re frightened to or there’s a habit you wanna break , do it today. Today you’re gonna seize your moment and be whoever you wanna be.

If any day becomes as miserable as Monday, take all these tips and try them on that day too. Happy Monday everyone!

 

LINKS

My 6 AM to 1 AM playlist- https://byunanonymous.wordpress.com/2015/02/19/6-am-to-1-am-playlist/

funny sites for a better Monday

SMOSH– https://www.youtube.com/user/smosh

Shane Dawson– https://www.youtube.com/user/ShaneDawsonTV

how to give it to him straight

(no pun intended)

Let me start by saying this isn’t an easy post. I went back and forth. I finally decided to publish it after having a long talk with my cousin who convinced me that this is indeed AN ARTICLE WORTH WRITING and that I shouldn’t be scared about what people will say or how they’ll react because I never was before this anyway.

 

I know. I think I’ve always known you’re gay and a part me of thinks you’ve known for awhile too. I won’t insult you by describing the times you made me realize it but like Bobby’s mom said, ‘You always know.’ I don’t know if in the many conversations we had, you tried to tell me. If you did and it didn’t work out or I just wasn’t listening well enough, I’m so sorry. I can get caught up in the noise sometimes and you know we’re a noisy crowd.

There are days when I feel so helpless because I can’t just hug you and tell you it’s gonna be okay. You haven’t even trusted me with your secret yet so all I could do is wait for the time when you’re ready. I wanted to write this for when that time comes. This will be the proof that I’ve always supported you, whoever you are and whoever you choose to love.

It won’t be easy because we still live in a society where you’re an anomaly (that word hurts me more than you know). Trust me when I say it’s all gonna be okay. I’m here for you. We’re all here rooting for you. When the harshest, most painful slings from others and even from people you love come, I promise to stand beside you and just be around for whatever you need.

I want you to know how much I love you. I hope when you finally get to read this you’ll be a proud, happy and free man.

photo from comingoutjournal.tumblr.com

I am reaching out to all those who were in my position or those in his. What should I do? I don’t want him to think no one cares. WE don’t want to make the mistake of just ignoring it but in the end make him feel unaccepted or that he can’t tell us anything.

 

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Note: Bobby from the entry is a reference to Prayers for Bobby a 2009 movie exploring the life of a closeted gay Christian finally coming out to his family and how being ostracized drove him to take his own life.

 

 

 

struggles of a would be writer

Okay okay okay. I haven’t been able to update you with my crazy rants and musings about life the past week, well the past WEEKS. Sorry. I’ve been busy writing. What’s new about that? I do write. YES,  articles and blog entries for other people everyday but this is different- it’s something way out of my comfort zone.

I’m writing a literary fiction. *cringe*

photo from anavar-immela, via thewritershelpers

It’s not my forte I know. Much like poetry, I read more than write them but I thought tis the year to challenge myself. I’ve had this idea and have been scribbling drafts for awhile. By ‘awhile’ I mean 16 years but I never found the courage to organize them and actually write the chapters because I was really terrified- mostly of sucking but also of the possible transference in the characters. That fear got the better of me so all I have of all those years of daydreaming and imagining characters are doodles on the sides of some scenes I thought would be too cool not to at least write down.

Then I just decided I wanna do it. I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK.

It doesn’t have to get picked up by some major publishing house (that would be great though) but I just really wanna put it out there. I want to put my daydreaming to rest and actually make something out of it.

So here I am struggling… enjoying every moment but still struggling.

If you have any tips, words of encouragement, moral support whatsoever, I’d be so happy to hear them.

cough and colds

That is probably one of the most disgusting titles my blog has ever had. Yeah, yeah, insert laughter and smart comments here. But the truth of the matter is it’s not that bad- kidding. It’s so bad my throat is starting to hurt from sneezing too much and my tummy is complaining because of all the coughing but here I am typing away on my laptop. I  think boredom is so much worse than the actual illness.

So what do you do when you’re a bit under the weather and can’t really do much?

It’s not often that you have time to yourself without people bugging you to do stuff for them or your boss constantly harassing you for deadlines. This can be your chance to sit back and finish a book or two, watch silly videos or a romantic movie, try some DIY, write on a blog or cook up something new. Or maybe if you’re much too stressed and tired, sleep all day. All worthy options to spend the day away from the hectic life of a young professional.

Whatever it is, just don’t do something too taxing that it will end up like just any other work day. Remember, you’re still sick and need to recover as soon as you can so don’t forget those meds and just relax. Soon enough those colds and cough will be gone (hoping mine goes away fast) and you’ll be back to work- a bit more rested and rejuvenated.