#PrideMonth entry 1: my best friend

Five years ago (in uni), I was blessed with the most amazing debate partner anyone could ask for, and he’s still one of my best friends. Everyday, I’m grateful that he is who he is and that I got to meet him. If there was anyone to discriminate against him – call him names, deprive him of rights, belittle him, I will not sit idly, and watch. I’ll make sure they (whoever they are) understand that no one deserves to be treated that way. As much as I can logically argue for rights, I would admit that LGBT, in particular, is a personal cause for me. When I hear people say that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry or adopt kids, they’re saying that my best friend who, for the past tumultuous six years of my life, has been a rock and a supporter, is not good enough to reaffirm his love for another or build a family just because of his sexual preference. That, I cannot stand. Who you are and who you choose to love is not reason to be treated with any less dignity than any other person. You deserve to be seen as an equal because you are. 

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beach blues

Summers around the world vary, clearly. Don’t worry I won’t dork out this post by subtly discussing seasonal differences all over the world (although it’s very tempting). For me though, as soon as you can walk outside in one layer of clothes without feeling like you’re about to become the next flavor or Ben and Jerry’s, it’s summer! Which means that right about now, I’m having those urges to frequent the beach or go on hikes or even book a spontaneous international flight (to Bali, maybe).

Are you having the same thoughts? Tell me all about it on the comments below. I’m planning to write another summer bucket list and must tries. Do you guys have anything in mind? To be honest, I wanna be super active and try new things this summer like water sports (surfing, wakeboarding)

1-Misibis Bay

or go on an unplanned road trip to somewhere I’ve never been before

and try local delicacies I’ve never seen or heard before (good luck tummy).

Whatever my summer plans (or the lack thereof) are, my goal is to live it and enjoy it. Come try it with me? *wink*

coffee all day, everyday

I’m a coffee person, that much I’ve made clear.

My morning ritual includes a 10 minute stare down with my poster-infested ceiling, a loooooonggggg shower and a big cup of black coffee. But that’s not the only time of the day when I drink coffee. Sometimes I drink a cold Macchiato for lunch with my sandwich or a quick shot right before I sleep. It’s my go-to drink. There’s just something about coffee that draws me in; maybe it’s the aroma or the comforting bitter taste or maybe even how it reminds me of being back home with my grandparents. Whatever it is, it helps me get through a really tough day.

Then I thought, I know SOMEONE (well a few) who does that for me as well. My go-to people. You know, those people who, during a really BAD (as in all caps B-A-D) day, will wallow with you in your bitterness then lift you up and make you feel soooooo much better. You feel they really love you because you can go to them at anytime of the day (at 3 AM when only the roosters are up or at 10 PM when everyone else would rather party) and they’d be there, listening, comforting, hugging and encouraging.

photo from slowbuddy.com

If you have those friends, you’re lucky. Not everyone does

Cherish them. Tell them how amazing they are and how grateful you are to have them. They deserve at least that if not a free cup of coffee (*coughs*). So to my friends who have been there through all my craziness, here’s to us. Here’s to you AND THE CUP OF COFFEE I OWE YOU.

 

life happens

Lately I’ve been thinking about cosmic events and connections. Oh you know what I mean, those seemingly random things that happen to you that later on in life you realize are are actually turning points. They’re more important than you first thought they’d be.

5 years ago, I was sitting on my own right outside our classroom when one of my blockmates (that means we’re taking the same major) sat beside me and told me one of those WTH-were-you-thinking jokes. You have to understand we’ve met only a week or so before and we’ve never actually had one decent conversation. He sat beside me, told me his joke (a little to eagerly), said thanks then left. I mean, ‘WHAT?!’ Random right? Later on I found out that his brother suggested that cracking a joke is good way to gain a friend and so he did.  I didn’t really think much of that night until later, very later on, when he became one of my best friends.

And I laughed, not at the joke but how he came up to me just to say it. photo from coadygallantphoto.tumblr.com

So I’m thinking, would we have been friends had I gone home early that evening? Would we still have been friends if I walked out on him and his utterly strange way of making friends? Would I have been comfortable opening up to him about my problems  later on that week had he not made a silly move first? If the answer is YES to all those, then are there truly any significant moments that turn the wheel for everything else? Or if not, then would we have remained awkward acquaintances all throughout college? I’d like to think that the answer is the latter, partly because it’s more interesting that way but mostly because I’ve always believed in the Law of Interaction (yes Newton’s for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction).  When he decided to break the ice and when I decided to go with the flow that night, we set into motion a friendship that’s built on comfort and acceptance of each others quirks.

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I really really hope I’m right about this one (fingers crossed and all) because just the other day I think one of those might have happened again as I decided to walk under the heat of the sun rather than hail a cab. An old friend, one I haven’t seen in years came up to me and offered to share his umbrella. Talk about random!

this girl and her ‘boy friends’

Catchy right? *wink*

I’ve been mulling over this entry for awhile since quite frankly, I don’t know what to say. People who just met me often ask me why most my friends are either dudes- really tough, macho men or gay guys- who are fun, quirky and a little crazy. I’d always say, ‘Well, we like the same things.’ Now that I’ve been thinking about it, I actually also like girly stuff. I look forward to shopping trips, check online for trends and purchase women’s magazine when I can but I still seem to find it hard to connect to women my age.

To this day, I have no concrete answer. I have guesses, mostly psychological in nature but here’s what my guy friends think.

Maybe it’s not what I like but how I live.

photo from boyishnotions.tumblr.com

photo from boyishnotions.tumblr.com

When I like something I say it, I’m not exactly cryptic.

  1. During confrontations, I’m seldom emotional. I rely heavily on reason and don’t involve feelings in how I take in an argument.
  2. I hate crying.
  3. I’m not a big fan of romance. When we watch romcoms, I think they’re sweet but they’re never gonna happen. Real life romance is far to complicated to summarize in 2 hours. Plus I don’t think all successful relationships should end in marriage.
  4. When they ask what an ideal afternoon is, I say one spent in the projects building make shift houses or tutoring kids.
  5. When we talk about where we see each other in 10 years, I say a few steps from the peak of my career and hopefully still travelling the world. I don’t see myself settling in a white picket fence home, with a minivan and 3 kids. That’s great but it’s not for me.

They say that because I think that way, I prioritize things in my life differently. Most of them can identify with that and like that about me. I guess I can see their point. My priorities are more akin to a guy than to a girl my age. Now I don’t know if that’s good or bad but I love being myself and being with my dudes, sloppy mess and all.

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why we all love reunions

At different points in our lives we decide that the best thing to do is move on and live our lives towards the path that would help us grow the most. That usually means leaving people we’ve met, ones who we used to spend every waking second with, while awkwardly meeting new ones. It’s never easy especially if you’re not the type to open up quickly.

The key for me is to know that moving forward and meeting new people doesn’t mean saying goodbye to them completely. Yes, the relationship will change but so do most other relationships that you will have. I may not spend every vacant period with my college friends anymore but we still enjoy trips together or the occasional coffee after work. I try my very best not to take them for granted and to recognize that they still are an important part of my life even if I don’t see them as often as I’d like.

with meh

an entire afternoon with my Remontados Debate Varsity family

That’s why moments like yesterday are ones I live for and always look forward to. Reunions with old friends who I feel most comfortable with, who ground me in the best possible way. We all love the chance to reunite with our friends because it reminds us of who were, what we used to love and what made us really happy once. Our relationship with them, their recollection of us also underlines how much we’ve grown and how far we’ve come.

the ‘JEANS’ analogy

To my dearest jeans,

It is with deep sadness that I write these words today for you are an amazing piece of clothing and a really good investment of my money. 5 years ago, your strange yet appealing dark denim fabric caught my eye as you were draped alone in one of the hangers of that crowded store. Strange, I thought. For such a happy, crowded store, these denim trousers felt so alone. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to you, why I tried you on. After securing the last of your zippers (man you have so many), I realized you weren’t as snug or as comfortable as most my jeans are. For what I thought was a long while, I deliberated whether I should purchase you or not. Were you worth it or was I just appraising your value too much because I felt we had a connection?

 I took a chance.

You know how the rest goes right? The first few times I wore you, it felt a bit like the first. It was awkward and a bit tight but we got through that. It took some effort on both of us. I had to try to wear you with different tops, ones I don’t normally wear and you had to endure my desperate attempts to jump up and down after I’ve had a big lunch just so you’d fit.

The more I wore you and washed you, the safer and happier I feel wearing you. You give me an air of confidence I don’t feel with other pants. You push me to try things I wouldn’t have tried had I worn a skirt or those revealing Daisy Dukes. You made me feel special, like I’m the only one who’ll look good wearing pants. It may not have been true but that security, that acceptance, that love was enough to make me happy.

You made me really happy.

Time came when you became my go to bottoms, my favorite. I’d wear you when I had a championship debate round or some big speech. If I could I would even pack you to Cambodia with me but you knew why I couldn’t. Sometimes, I find myself crying to you (sorry for those tear marks on your already aging skin) and telling you of stories I never had the courage of telling anybody else. I’ve dreamt of the day you’d talk to me too and narrate to me your own tales but that never happened. Not one tear was shed, not one honest, emotional story was told. That was not your thing.

But still I’m grateful you were there.

As the days turned into months and into years, my dependence has made us both wary. I’ve worn you too often that white blots from too much washing are visible from all over your once dark fabric. There are small rips that threaten to grow larger if I wore you even once more.

I do not wish to hurt you or destroy you so this must be it. This must be where we part ways.

I was once told that friendships that do not last were never real anyway. I beg to differ. What we had was real. A friendship which does not last is not necessarily a failed one but one where there’s a mutual recognition that even good chapters come to an end. Do not get me wrong. It pains me deeply to do this for you took a place in my heart that no one else will be able to fill, not even limited edition Ralph Lauren Jeans. You made me better, happier and for that I will forever love you.

We both know it will come to this but I love you to much to put you in the give away pile without saying a proper good bye. This is it. I’ll pray for your happiness every day. I’ll ask the Lord to lead you to a new friend who might do wonders for those rips, the ones which I’ve tried to but cannot fix. Everyday, until I forget, I’ll dream of those days when we were once really happy together.

I will miss you.

 

With all the love I can muster,

ME

*Because I’m a wimp, the best I could do was address this to my jeans but I know you know better for you taught me metaphors better than anyone.