by her side (a poem by the 12 year old me)

Disclaimer: Before anyone gets the funny idea that I’ve crossed over to the hopeless romantic, can’t eat, can’t sleep, truly, madly, deeply inlove side, let me crush those hopes with the sad truth that I am still the rational, calculating, priorities first kinda girl who does a little flirting on the side. We all need a little flirting right?. *winks* This poem was from when I was 12. I have no idea who I wrote it for or why because as I remember I discovered the word crush in high school.

I found it extremely amusing though so here goes.

By Her Side (the 12 year old me)

Falling for you makes me wonder,

how everyday your smile makes me fonder,

how I can think of a thousand words to say

but around you I seem to fade away.

I know you like her, I can see.

Don’t worry I’m not asking for sympathy.

I just don’t understand why it still hurts me

knowing that she makes you so happy.

I just hope and pray she’ll love you

the way I’ve always wanted to.

But if she ever makes you cry,

I’ll be by your side to wipe you tears dry.

Love is without guarantees

Love is without guarantees.

They say that love is one of the many endeavors of man which isn’t calculated or rationalized. It’s more than a feeling; it’s an iniative fuelled by human will. Because it isn’t with reason that we love, we cannot justify why we have it or why we’ve lost it. It simply happens and when it does we say that it was never guaranteed to work or last anyway.

But then I ask, “What guarantee are you looking for anyway?” ¬†

The security that he will not find another

A vow that you will live in eternal bliss

A promise that you’ll wake up everyday knowing it will never end

If that is what you believe guarantees in love are then you are right, there are none.

As for me, I find love provides a different guarantee, one which is more personal- more for the self than for the partner or your relationship with him. Love warrants humanity, that moment of absolute vulnerability you are willing to take to be with another. It assures you of an experience that transforms you or at the very least, reveals to you your deeper, more unguarded self.

When you are in the a happier stages of a relationship, one depicted in romcoms and chick flicks, you realize you can be happy and that you deserve it. Even when you lose him, you continue to find happiness for yourself because you’ve discovered how uplifting and empowering it is.

In the darker pre and post break up stages, you feel pain and learn to deal with it. It does not matter how, through beer, parties, writing, painting, eating or ranting, as long as you acquire that resilience we all need to get ahead in life.

You’ve won, not that it ever was a competition.

Love may not last. It may not be entirely of bliss or with one guy but it comes with a guarantee. You will learn and you will grow and you will have at least loved. Isn’t that takeaway enough?