it’s YOUR fault (the blame game)

It’s become so easy for people to transfer blame when needed. Granted pointing a finger is less effort than actually solving the problem or coming clean about issues but ask yourself, who is that really helping?

Not those who were wronged, I’m sure. They’re still there wallowing in their pain, hoping that someone at least says sorry. Not you, you’re in DENIAL. You’re gonna keep making the same mistakes unless YOU recognize they were your mistakes in the first place.

Take that girl you’re dating for example, you’ve been cheating on her for awhile and every time you get into a fight about it. You say she’s being too suspicious. That’s your fear of getting found out projecting onto her as a defense mechanism. (This is clearly a hypothetical guys. LOL. Calm down.)

Or

In my case, I’ve been procrastinating doing something really important, something I should have done for awhile now. Everytime it gets brought up I blame my health, my degree, circumstance. Name an excuse, I’ve probably already used it. Every single reason except the honest one, ME. I’m stuck. I think it’s easier to sit here and wait for things to happen than actually do something about it.

I’m having none of that anymore.

I’m just gonna pick up the phone today and start calling people I need to call to get my book out there. Yes guys, all this ranting is about a book- well, MY book. It’s a long shot but most dreams are.

I guess other than assigning blame on some external force, I let my fear of rejection cripple me. I’ve had my fair share of doors slammed in my face, professionally and not so professionally. *wink* I’ve learned to accept that, but writing, especially literature, is where I’m most vulnerable so I keep putting it off.

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Funny thing about rejection, it’s okay as long as you’re at a safe distance and you have a back-up plan. Remove those and you feel naked, stripped of a get away. That’s when fear sets in and you’re not sure what to do. If you’re ever in a position like this, FACE YOUR FEAR. Usually the thing we’re afraid of the most are the most gratifying to conquer.

Here’s a little nugget of wisdom from someone who has been in denial and afraid for awhile. Take responsibility for your actions, mistakes or otherwise. You’ll find your sleep more comfortable at night and your errors, whatever they were, tucked away in your experience chest. You never know, if you cheated or did something really bad to someone, you just might be forgiven. Sorry goes a long way. At least in my book, it does.

For the dreamers, don’t let fear take over your life. Don’t blame the lack of inspiration, opportunities or some other made-up story you know is just another thing to blame. Focus on the dream and JUST START.

You can be great if you choose to be.

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Graham Moore on being YOU

People always say we are the geek generation. I feel offended when I hear that, not because I hate geeks. I AM A GEEK. They don’t understand that stereotypes ARE STILL stereotypes regardless of who’s on top. Labels are for commodities, not people. Stop using it to box us into what we can or should be. You’re a geek, stick to books or video games. Hey blonde cheerleader, be mean and bully this quiet girl who sits at the back row. Aren’t  we pass that?

I’ve been there, excluded and confused about why I can only be this label that feels like a noose tightening around my neck. There’s no one to talk to because they’re also quietly suffering with their own labels. Graham Moore couldn’t have put it any better in his Oscar acceptance speech.

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Think about it. Even those who build stereotypes reject being subjected to it because even they know, no one is ever just one thing. We’re far more complicated and interesting than that. That’s what makes us unique and different and… HUMAN. Embrace it. Love it! So every time you hear geek generation or jock central or whatever catchy handle society comes up with, reject it.

We are the YOU generation. We celebrate you, whoever YOU may be. 

 

 

for gay marriage

As I was browsing through some recent posts on Facebook, I read this from a friend.

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Forgive the agitation but that doesn’t, in any way, lessen the conviction I have towards promoting equal rights for all- yes, including LGBT relationships. It was never a secret that I am for gay marriage as I’ve said it a couple of times in my previous posts. (I’ll put the link below in case you wanna read it, for reference or what not.) Marriage is a civil institution and it only becomes a religious ceremony if a couple decides to do it in front of a denomination. Outside of that, it is more a practice of a civil right rather than a violation of some ecumenical belief.

The role of religious institutions has to be clarified because no way is society forcing them to swallow beliefs that are not amenable to them.  However if respect is given to their practices and beliefs then inverse respect is required of them as society decides on issues that are more social in nature. You can’t force churches to marry gay couples in the same way that these churches can’t bastardize societies favoring progressive awarding of rights.

Calling people demonic because they’re born a certain way and pressuring society and governments to do the same is not only below the belt, it’s inhuman. I know there are rational, level-headed and more understanding members of churches; there are a lot in fact so this is not a generalization rather a portrayal of those who go overboard.

photo from heydoyou.com

It obviously pains me that my best friend who believes more in the sanctity of marriage than I ever will can’t be wed because he wants to be with another man. While I who in no way imagines marriage in my future ha that as an option. You can say this issue is more personal than it is logical for me (which almost never happens) but it does not dilute the truth in it.I don’t think pulpits should be used to demonize people for being different, for being born who they are just because norms dictate us to.

We are a far better humanity than that; I still honestly believe that.

*Writer’s Note: Just to be clear, I am not for abortion. I’ll discuss it some other time. I just really needed to talk about gay rights especially when it comes to relationships and the manner by which religious institutions ‘convince’ the public what to believe.
**Links:
  1. https://byunanonymous.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/paint-the-town-gay/
  2. https://byunanonymous.wordpress.com/2013/03/01/my-new-normal/
  3. https://byunanonymous.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/gay-and-great/

unmailed letter

I read somewhere, sometime ago that bottled emotions especially for other people are best written then kept. That way you get to rid yourself of all the tension; you’re able to express what you truly feel without the possibility of hurting someone else. So I did that.

 I guess that may be the reason why I wanna come clean, to dispense myself of this secret. It’s just too heavy to carry around and you know I wanna go places.

Writing down each word is therapy in itself. It almost feels like I’m talking to him without feeling the compulsion to constantly reword everything, so it doesn’t offend him, so it fits his standards, so it lives up to mine. I could just finally say it and not be sorry I did.

I could sit here all day long and come up with the perfect excuse, the most reasonable one, why I never said anything and decided everyday to stay mum but the truth is I was scared. And you know me, I am seldom scared.

After every word has gone and I have exhausted all I wanted to say, a part of me feels guilty that he will never get to read it. It’s like when a guy likes a girl so much but has decided to be a secret admirer, leaving roses on her doorstep and poetry in her locker. Although he’s so scared for fear of rejection, a part him just wants to come clean and tell her in person because there’s still no substitute for an actual real life conversation with her- not even his imagined romantic day with her. Well, I feel that way. Because more than the frustration I wrote are truths that a part of me believes he deserves to know.

I’m not sure if were meant to be friends for the rest of our lives. I’m not even sure if we’d have each other’s number in 5 years but I’d like this letter to remind you (and in a strange telepathic way remind me) that while I pen these words, you mean so much to me. You’ve made a big impact on my life and I will forever admire the way you chose to live your life- uncompromising and full of integrity.

Even as I type this entry out I still haven’t decided whether I should mail him the letter or not. If I don’t mail it, I still have successfully accomplished my mission to dispense myself of all that I have to say to him without having to feel embarrassed about whatever else I wrote. If I do, we might need to talk about and right now I’m sure if that’s a good thing or not.

I guess maybe I was hoping by the end of this entry I’d finally know what to do but still, nothing.

because screaming is overrated

There is an acceptable way of treating people, of asking them to do something for us without sounding insensitive or arrogant. I know, I know; it varies and I get that but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t include screaming like a drill sergeant to get what you want. Now that’s just me but it’s probably one of the things that annoy me the most. Granted some us have more authority, age or right to be bossier than the rest but it doesn’t excuse us from being the least bit sensitive towards other people’s feelings or in my case, peeves.

SHE was like… (photo from http://31.media.tumblr.com/)

I was like (photo from http://24.media.tumblr.com/)

Just recently, there was this woman who asked me to clean something up. Usually I don’t mind because living with or working with someone does entail some responsibilities like cleaning up after yourself or helping others do the same when they’re too busy running around and you’re not. It’s just that the way she asked me was extremely condescending like she knew she had it over me. She recounted the many times she did it while pointing out a hundred and one ways I’m doing it wrong in the highest imaginable decibel. If that’s not aggravating enough, she doesn’t stop even when I’m done cleaning up.

Here’s how I deal with it.

 

I never engage. When someone is annoying the hell out of me, I don’t confront them at that moment. I calm myself down and wait it out until they too are composed enough to talk. When I am back  to my usual, reasonable and unexasperated self, I approach the person and we discuss what happened. You don’t want the other person to feel attacked because that never solves anything. She’ll be too busy defending herself rather that listening to your side of the story. Often, the issue is that I too crossed one of her peeves and she’s just letting her frustration  out when she felt like it.

I wanted to write this entry because I learned this lesson the hard way. I wish someone called me out and taught me a better way to respond. I’ve always been guided by what’s rational, even responses to extreme situations. It conditioned me to expect people to be as reasonable as I am and when they’re not, all hell breaks loose. That never accomplished anything good. I end up hurting my friends, peers and people who work for me and I don’t think that’s fair to them or to me. So I came up with this, a scenario where I don’t hurt their feelings, at least not as much, and I also don’t compromise on my beliefs and the culture that I want to create wherever I am.

I am not suggesting that this works for everybody, in every possible situation but it helped me a lot. I earnestly hope it does the same for you.

And if you know of a better way to handle similar problems, give me a hoot.  

when cheaters cheat

I’m 21- turning 22 and people don’t expect me to flinch or react or hurt when this topic comes up but what else can I say except infidelity resurfaced issues I thought I already dealt with.

No matter how liberated or open any society is, cheating is never negotiable. You cannot come up to someone and grope her then act all normal as if that was supposed to happen, as if it was 2nd nature. He had a choice and he chose to cheat. It’s the worst form of betrayal because you don’t only break your promise to your wife, you knowingly involve someone else and persuade her to join you. It’s never fair to anybody.

Although I do not have the strength (much like you do) to talk about what went on in my life for me to abhor this of all possible mistakes anyone could commit, know that I’m thankful I got to read your blog. I admire you and for what it’s worth, you made me feel less fearful of making the same mistakes as those infidels. Thank you. (Her entry resonated with me so I decided to reblog it as a reminder that I am not alone in my worries. With it is my comment on her page.)

Hypersensationalism

This is something I’ve wanted to write about for awhile. Of course I mean absolutely no offense and I know there are plenty of genuine family men out there who wouldn’t dream of straying. I’m sure there are also single men with morals and standards (call me)…I just haven’t met heaps of either lately.

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Being single can be hard. It was hard last year, being the new mum in a small school community, from the next (also small) town. Single mums are the furthest thing from a rarity here, and despite what that says about the socio-economic structure, I’m enjoying it. When I lived ‘up the hill’ it was a rarity. I was a rarity. I was naïve enough to think it wouldn’t matter, because it wouldn’t matter to me.

I shouldn’t feel like I have to defend myself but I do. So here’s the disclaimer. I know that fairly often

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