#nicerinternet Dan Howell

I know I posted a Tyler Oakley blog about half an hour ago but Dan just tweeted and made a video about a really good campaign that focuses on conduct on the internet. It’s something I feel strongly about so I thought why not write another blog today.

smiley 1 smiley 2

Wouldn’t the world be so much better if we had #niceinternet or at least lesser jerks online?

Jerks lurk everywhere, real or virtual life. These are the people who seem to be motivated by irritation every single day and in most their interactions.

‘What would you like sir?”

“Someone other than your lazy ass to serve me!”

or

“You look nice today.”

“You don’t. EVER!”

See what I mean?

The cloak of anonymity the internet provides makes it easier to be douche when in most circumstances, we aren’t Sure, the jerks still mostly act like jerks online but there’s a new breed of people who mindlessly say things just because NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. They tweet and comment hate after hate because the consequences are so minute, it barely matters.

This has become a culture, internet culture.

If you’re the object of such rudeness, know that it’s mostly likely not about you but more about what the other person is feeling or going through just being projected onto you. It doesn’t make what he’s doing okay but it will help you be the better person and not engage him on the same level. Trust me, mudslinging is only fun for those who are already covered in it. End the cycle and respond with kinder words or not at all.

For those who think they can be jerks or just harsh at times, there will always be bad days but don’t make it an excuse to make it worse for someone else. Barney’s cycle of screams from How I Met Your Mother doesn’t work guys. You’re just breeding a cycle of hate that one day will come back to you. Most likely that person who made you feel like shit has another person who did that him or maybe even a series of people continuously making feel like shit. You don’t have to be that person for anyone else. End the cycle and find other means to release the tension or sadness.

You can even watch Dan’s videos to make yourself feel better. You can start with this one.

 I refuse to accept that we can’t do anything about it and I’m glad there are people like Dan who believe that a #nicerinternet is possible. If you do too, share this blog and the video with it a much as you can. Tweet about a #nicerinternet. Spread the word and start making all your internet posts nicer ones. 🙂

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a man’s thoughts on feminism

Below is a post I read off Tumblr and I thought I should share it as much as I could considering I, like most women, have experienced some form of discrimination. Whether it was intentional or not, it shouldn’t happen. Neither should little boys feel emasculated because they wanna play with dolls or be more creative. It’s unfair to expect men to hold back tears and women to get paid less just because they were born with a different set of organs. Your gender shouldn’t dictate your entire life because it’s such a minute part of who you are.

I hope you’ll find it in your heart to share this too because I’m sure at one point in your life there was woman who mattered to you but even if there wasn’t, you deserve to live in society where we’re more than just our gender. 

“I’m a man.

When I was born my grandfather congratulated my dad for having a son, and thanked my mother for giving my father a son. I got my grandfather’s name.

When I was a child, I could play with LEGO, because “Lego is a boy thing” and that helped my creativity. My ability to solve problems was stimulated.

I got HotWheels car-washes and gas stations. I also got a box of plastic tools, to assemble and disassemble toy cars and trucks. That also stimulated my creativity and developed my logic capability, which is good for every child.

In my school day, the girls wore skirts and my friends lifted their skirts. It was a mess, So they were forbidden to wear skirts. I never saw a boy actually get punished for it though, after all “Boys are just like that. Took after his father this menace” – is what I usually heard

At home, with my family, I liked to play house with a younger cousin. We were around eight. I was the dad, she was the mom and the dolls were our children. While playing, when i carried the dolls in my arms my mother would get mad: “Let go of that doll boy, that’s a girl thing”. And my little cousin’s father, when he saw us playing, wouldn’t let her do it either. He said boys play with boys and girls play with girls because “boys are very stupid, and worse, very forward”. I did not consider myself stupid, and did not understand what he meant by “forward”, but I still did as I was told

At Christmas, my sister got a Barbie and I got a beyblade. She cried a bit because my toy was much cooler than hers, but every year my mother made the same mistake, and got her a doll, a toy stove, a toy fridge, a blender, everything pink, once mom got her an iron

When I turned 15 and started dating, my father bought me some condoms
During my teenage years, no one criticized me for kissing lots of girls. Nowadays, that still stands.

My father does not get mad at me when I don’t come home for the night, He does not say I need to be a “family boy”. He never slapped me in the face for thinking I’d spent the night at a motel.

No one lectures me saying I need to be reserved and play hard to get.
No one judges me when I want to be with a girl and take initiative

No one cares about my clothes; no one says I have to preserve myself.
No one says I have to preserve myself because “women only think about sex”

No one think my girlfriends were only with me for sex.
No one thinks that, when I have sex, that I’m submitting to the wishes of my partner
No one demonizes my orgasms.

I was never judged for carrying condoms in my backpack or in my wallet
I never had to hide my condoms from my parents.

I was never told to marry a virgin because I was a man
I was never told that “men have to value themselves” or that I had to “give myself the respect”. Apparently, my gender already makes me worthy of respect.

When I go out into the streets no one tells me I’m “delicious”
No unknown woman shouts “smoking hot” my way
I can walk down the streets having an ice cream cone at ease, because I know I won’t hear things like “drop that and come suck me”. I can even walk down the streets eating a banana

I never had to cross a street, even though it was out of my way, to avoid a group of women in a bar, who will probably catcall me when I pass, embarrassing me

I never had to walk in sweatpants, because my shorts leave my legs exposed, and that could be dangerous
I never heard someone say I was “shameless” because I went out without a shirt
No one regulates my work out clothes
No one cares about my clothes period.

I was never followed by a woman in a car when I was walking back home

I can catch a crowded subway everyday and surely no woman will rub against me, to record it and throw it on some porn website

No one ever had to create a subway wagon that was “just for men”

I never heard of someone of my gender being raped by a crowd

I can get on a bus by myself in the middle of the night
When I’m not carrying anything valuable, I no longer feel threatened, because I don’t fear getting raped at any moment, at every corner. That risk does not exist in the minds of the people of my gender.

When I go out at night I can wear whatever clothes I want.
If I suffer any kind of violence, no one blames me for being drunk, or for wearing certain clothes
If, one day, I was raped, no one would say it was my fault; that I was somewhere inadequate, that I had on a revealing outfit
No one would try to justify the rape based on my behavior
I would be treated as a VICTIM and that would be it.

No one thinks I’m vulgar because when it’s cold, my nipples show through my shirt

When I have sex with a woman on the first date I practically get a standing ovation. No one calls me a “tramp”, or “easy” or a “whore” because I have casual sex sometimes

99% of porn websites are made to please me and men in general
No one is shocked when I say I watch porn
No one judges me if I say I love sex
No one cares if I read erotic literature
No one is surprised to hear I masturbate

No mother-in-law will tell her daughter not to marry me because I’m not a virgin

No one criticizes me for investing in my career
When I have the same job position as a woman, my salary is never inferior to hers
If I am promoted, no one says it’s because I slept with my boss. People believe in my merit
If I have to travel for work and leave my kids with their mother for a few days no one calls me irresponsible

No one finds it strange that, at thirty years old, I still don’t have kids

No one guesses my sexual orientation based on the length of my hair
When my hair starts to grey, people will find it sexy, not think I’m letting go of myself

Society does not see my virginity as a prize

90% of military services are destined to people of my gender, even the higher jobs, in which the official only deals with paperwork and management

If I go out with a certain outfit no one says I’m “asking for it”

If I’m at a club and a woman performs oral sex on me, I’m not the “whore” or the “tramp”, she is.
If a video of me having sex with a woman gets leaked, no one will call me names, criticize me, stone me. I won’t be the “disgusting little bitch” I won’t be “trash” or “used” or “cheap”. I’d just be the man, fulfilling my alpha guy position in society.
If I lead a promiscuous lifestyle and then fall in love with just one woman, people think its beautiful. No one judges me based on my past.

No one says it’s disgusting if I don’t shave myself

No one would judge me for being a single dad. On the contrary, I’d be seen as a hero.

I’ll never be stopped from occupying a higher position in the Catholic Church for being a man

I was never beaten up for being a man
I was never obligated to do housework for being a man
I never had the obligation to learn how to cook for being a man
No one tells me my place is in the kitchen for being a man

No one says I can’t curse for being a man
No one says I can’t drink for being a man

No one stares at my plate if I put a lot of food in it

No one justifies my foul mood by blaming it on hormones

No one has ever made jokes that undermined my intelligence for being a man

When I sometimes mess up in traffic no one says “It had to be a man”

When I’m polite to a woman she doesn’t automatically assume I’m hitting on her

The term “tramp stamp” did not come into existence because men were seen as cheap

No one treats my body as just a tool for giving pleasure to the opposite sex
No one thinks I’ll have to be submissive to a future wife

I was never judged for drinking beer at table in which I was the only man

I’m never the target audience for house cleaning products ads
I’m the target audience for beer ads

No one’s ever asked me if my girlfriend lets me cut my hair. I cut it when I want to and people understand that.

There isn’t haze at USP (a university) that promotes my humiliation and objectification

Society doesn’t split my gender in “to marry” and “to whore”

When I say “no” no one thinks I’m just playing hard to get. No is no.

I don’t have to dress a certain way to avoid having women falling into temptation

People of my gender were not raped each 40 minutes in São Paulo last year
People of my gender don’t get raped every 12 seconds in Brazil
People of my gender didn’t get raped by a crowd during protests in Egypt

I’m not a man. But if you are, it’s fundamental to admit that society AS A WHOLE needs feminism
Don’t underestimate suffering that you don’t understand.”

Camila Oliveira Dias

over a sundae

We know the drill all too well. We get dumped (or we dump him), passed for a promotion, feeling like a drag or in a rut, or practically any depressing, tormenting, disgusting or heartbreaking milestone we go through, we run to our best friend. Nope, not the one who shares our clothes and eats half our sandwich but that sweet, refreshing, mouth-watering and creamy goodness- the sundae complete with chocolate fudge and sprinkles.

I, personally, am not a big sweets fan but you already know that from the countless times I mentioned it in the entries prior. I do, however, make an exception for my friends and cousins who fancy a cone. A few days ago, while I was visiting my aunt at St. Luke’s hospital (She’s fine, worry not!) my cousin asked me to hang out an have a talk over ice cream.

And that we did!

with chelsea

It wasn’t one of those heavy, tearful conversations, in fact it was light and playful. It was exactly what I needed at that moment, a pick-me-up on a rather dull day. We talked about our plans, where we’d be in a few years, relationships, music, clothes, celebrities and family. EVERYTHING. It was organic and easy.

Whatever the nature of those conversations are, it should remind us that being open, talking to someone is an important human connection we all need to have. We need someone to listen to our problems, no matter how petty (yes that includes how annoyed you are about a fellow commuter talking OH SO LOUDLY ON THE PHONE when you’re trying to nap) or huge they are. We long for a friend who cares enough to ask us how our day was, what we wanna do tomorrow or who we wanna be 5 years from now.

It matters. You’re not self centered just because you want someone to care. 

And by the way, it means you too should be thoughtful enough to ask and care enough to listen. Their stories are as important as yours so savor them as much, if not more than you enjoy that sundae.

You know I realized it might not be the sundae that makes us feel better, it may be the company that comes with it