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what my sister asked me

I have the sweetest little sister anyone could ever ask for. She’s a diligent straight A student who hates confrontations and shies away from compliments so imagine my surprise when we had this conversation last night.

HER: Maybe I should be tougher, meaner.

ME: Why? What’s up with you?

HER: I just think that people always expect me to do everything because I’m too nice. I don’t scream when I ask them and don’t make scene when they don’t do anything.

ME: Never stop being nice to accommodate people being rude. People will always try to corrupt the good that you have; don’t ever give in to that.

worthit

Being tough and strong is different from being mean and rude. You don’t measure strength by the decibels of her yelling in an argument nor do you see it when he seemingly doesn’t care about anyone else. In fact, I think you’re stronger when you have enough courage to retain a good attitude and continue to care even in the worst possible circumstances, even when people take advantage of it.

Anger every once in while is not a bad thing but allowing it to take over you so people would listen or do what you ask of them isn’t healthy. If you allow people to bully you into changing, even if that’s to becoming a bigger bully than the other person is, that becomes your default. Your go-to is giving in and being mean to people when you’re stressed.

You thought you solved the problem by elbowing someone into submission, what you don’t realize is there are bigger bullies out there just waiting for the their next target. If you grow into a louder, angrier, meaner person every time you encounter someone abrasive or uncaring, you’ll grow callous and probably so much worse than every bully you’ve ever encountered.

Frankly I just don’t think it’s worth it.

In the short run, you may have gotten what you want but in the long run, you will have lost an amazing outlook in life and attitude towards people. You lost out because you changed the good in you to respond to the bad others show you.

 

 

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My  little sister and I love taking pictures especially when we’re together. These are some of the photos we took while having this conversation.

with Kayle

 

because it hurts enough

I can’t say that I’ve had the worst life, not even a bad one but I’ve been through enough to say that my character and strength have been tested more than I expected life would.

I am strong. I was always told that so I started believing it, embodying it and living up to it like a label that stuck. Because people already had their minds made up that I can handle a lot of crap, they think I’d stand there and let them just throw random shit  ( excuse my French)  about me that they know are not true or they fully know I don’t deserve. Sorry to burst your bubble honey but my strength does not interfere with my intellect.

kaylecci

That’s us, goofy as always. We took this a few days back after a marathon of mega cheesy movies.

(Those were my thoughts after this strange banter with my sister who just shut the door in my face. ) 

HER: Does it hurt a lot?

ME:  It hurts enough. 

Often, we hold on to things which are not working, relationships that are already broken and people who repeatedly hurt us because we think it proves strength or shows resilience. The common belief is fix what’s broken or hurt until it hurts no more. You don’t have to follow that logic. The license to give up, let go, walk away, move on or fight back is not exclusive to those who are hurting the worst.

It’s not a sign of strength that you wait til your breaking point to do what best cures your pain. When it hurts, that’s enough.

pains and gains

We say that a different perspective makes all the difference or that tomorrow will be better. Okay, so what perspective should I take if my best friend for example is diagnosed with a rare disease and declared to only have a month to live? Do I take the God-is-great-because-it-was-not-me  angle or say thanks because at least I get to say good bye? How should I prepare? Should I spend every day with him or act as if nothing dreadful is gonna happen soon? Do I act hopeful or realistic?

Either way, it’s still painful and difficult. It will still break your heart a thousand times over and no amount of preparing will ever make it okay. That’s probably why I hate it when people tell me everything’s gonna be brighter and better in the morning, when it’s all over. I shouldn’t worry about what’s happening and just forget about it. It downplays the power of decisions we make during the tough times of our life and exaggerates on the promise of a better day. If we do not learn and mature during these times, if we don’t live in the now no matter how tough it is, we will never grow. We will never see tomorrow as bright as when we have endured. People look forward to being okay again they forget that it’s tough times that shape us and make us the people we want to be in the future. It’s okay to get hurt, to feel pain and to relish in it. Agree that it’s difficult.  Don’t deny it. Don’t pretend that you didn’t have a tough time.

Tomorrow is great but it is only as great as how much endure and overcome today. Don’t let the promise of tomorrow excuse you from being complacent towards dealing with your pains today.